why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
