he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
