very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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