Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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