still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
