hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
