Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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