Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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