I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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