So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
