So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
