party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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