Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
