I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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