drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
