This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this will be a night to untag.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
