Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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