I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
