so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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