I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
