At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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