I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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