I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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