Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my poor anus
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
