About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
