I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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