she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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