Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
