Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
