I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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