I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
