apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
