He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
