so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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