I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize