She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
