I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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