I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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