she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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