Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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