Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
