Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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