why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
