It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
