Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
