I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
