def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
