i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
