One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
