When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize