Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize