you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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