I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
