That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
