when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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