Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
