My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
