well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Randomize