I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
