On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
