how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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