I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
