dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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