I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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