K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
