K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
