so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
