He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
