When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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