the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
